Seek Joy: Mindfulness

It started with the choice that I did, in fact, want to move forward. Not knowing what that looked like or what actions to take, I tried a great many things. I searched the internet for self-care suggestions, accepted the advice of others (whether solicited or unsolicited), and read books, articles, and forum threads on grief, self-improvement, and self-help.

I made lists of things to try and did them. At first, I aimed to do each new thing every day, but some would fall to the wayside quicker than others if I didn’t feel they were helpful or right for me. Others were of such benefit that they have stuck with me to this day. I may forget to use those tools for a time, but I consistently come back to them.

A friend discovered the app "Unwinding Anxiety" and shared it with me. I started with the 30-day paid subscription to see what it was all about. I eventually paid for a full six-month subscription to gain access to the entire program, but these first 30 days were my first in-depth exploration of practicing mindfulness.

Mindfulness is the act of paying attention to the present moment, on purpose, and without judgment. It means being present, in the here and now, not stuck in the past or lost in the future. Mindfulness isn't about clearing your mind of thoughts. It's about becoming aware of your thoughts, feelings, sensations, and surroundings as they are, and experiencing them with kindness and curiosity.

Mindfulness helps you step out of autopilot. You know that feeling when you're halfway through your commute and realize you have no memory of getting there? Or, have you gone through your morning routine and suddenly you can't remember if you took your medication or not? That’s autopilot.

Autopilot can be interchangeable with habit. Make no mistake, habits are an integral part of life. Habits are the mental alarms that help you set it and forget it. They are what allow us to learn and retain the skills necessary for our lives. If you had to relearn how to walk or get dressed every day, you wouldn't have the time or brain power to learn new things.

This marvel of evolution can work against us when coupled with thought spirals—that whirring hurricane of thoughts, ideas, and emotions. When we relive old experiences, create every possible outcome for future situations, and even invent extravagant worries that will almost certainly never happen. The human brain is a prediction machine. It wants to know what's coming. It likes to chew on all possible problems as a way to prepare to survive them.

Unthinking action out of habit and runaway trains of thought pull us away from life. They distract us from living the moments we're in, now. They make us more likely to react than choose to act. Time begins to slip by faster and faster, and we wonder where it has gone.

Through mindfulness, you can ease that speed downward. You start to notice more: your breath, your thoughts, the tightness in your shoulders, the way your coffee tastes, the way the light filters through the window. When you become more aware of your life, you create space for it to unfold. Space to choose how you live it, space to direct change and seek growth.

Close your eyes (or soften your gaze), and take a minute to notice your breath. Don’t try to change it, just feel it. When your mind wanders (and it will), gently guide it back. Be curious. How does the air feel as it enters and leaves your nose or mouth? Can you follow the sensation of the air all the way into your lungs? Where does your body move when your lungs expand? What do you notice about those sensations? Can you follow your breath as the air leaves your lungs?

Here is where kindness and non-judgment come in. It may feel odd to be still. You may feel uncomfortable or awkward. Perhaps you are wondering if you're doing it right or if you're getting it wrong because you don't feel any different.

Be kind to yourself. You're new at this. Additionally, remember that simply practicing is the key. Not being perfect. So, don't slip into judgment. "Ugh.. I was thinking about my to-do list again! Focus!" Gently notice that your mind wandered and start again.

What do you see right now? From fine details that are close up to blurry things at the outermost reaches of your vision. You can name them or describe them if you wish, or just notice without comment. What scents can you smell? If one is unfamiliar, can you find the source of it? What can you hear? What noises are in the room? What is the farthest away sound you can listen to? What can you taste? Did you just have lunch? Or did you brush your teeth? Perhaps sip your beverage and really pay attention to how it tastes. While you're at it, how does that sip feel? What other physical sensations do you notice? Air temperature, the pressure of your feet on the ground, and whether your clothes are soft or coarse.

Try to approach these questions with genuine curiosity.

What is an environment you enjoy? The beach, the woods, a mall, a cafe, a bookstore? Go to a place you enjoy being in and simply be. Sit and immerse yourself in the experience of the location. What do you see? What do you hear? What do you smell? What can you feel? If you’re eating or drinking something, really focus on the taste. It can be challenging to remain still and intentionally focus on experiencing specific things for an extended period if it isn’t something you’re accustomed to. That is perfectly okay. Try for as long as you find comfortable.

What is one of your favorite objects? A book, a plush novelty, a model, an action figure, a plant? Sit in a quiet place without distractions and look at your object. Examine it in great detail. Describe the details if you find it helpful. Otherwise, just observe them. Again, it can be challenging to spend a significant amount of time doing this if you haven’t practiced it before. Just try as long as you can. If your mind drifts off, don’t get upset with yourself; just resume focusing your attention on the object. Why do you like it so much? What memories does it bring up? How does your object make you feel emotionally? Experience that emotion.

One last thing I would like to share is that mindfulness isn't about the length of time you devote to it each time you try it. Being mindful is about repetition, occurring in many moments throughout your day. The more often you pause to be mindful, the more natural it becomes and the more its effects compound.

Over time, you may notice that your mind is quieter, you feel less anxious, and you are less stressed. Mindfulness can lower your blood pressure and ease chronic pain. It can help regulate your emotions and give you a moment of space to pause before reacting to a situation. Mindfulness can help slow your experience of time, allowing you to find peace and joy in the present moment.

You do not have to be calm to begin; you just have to remember to try.